dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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