Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
