the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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