he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
