i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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