I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I will be naked everywhere
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
