I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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