I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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