She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
