We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
