Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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