my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Randomize
