Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
