I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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