I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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