Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
