Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
