i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
