Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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