Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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