mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
