I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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