yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
