from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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