Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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