new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
