gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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