Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
