69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize