what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
