I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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