also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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