I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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