dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
