I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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