I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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