at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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