I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
this boner is exhausting
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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