gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's shark week go big or go home
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
