STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
two words: eviction party
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
