This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
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Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
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My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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