By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
