New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
