I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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