at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
