Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
