Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
