Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
