Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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