I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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