My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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