When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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