i just had sex bonerless
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
