That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize