Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
