I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
