I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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