First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
