please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
