Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I need moral support for this bender
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
