oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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