I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize