I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
