Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
