Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
