if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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