I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
