I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
