Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
