Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
