I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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