And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
