if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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