My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
