Cold hands, warm shart.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize