That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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