I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
