is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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