I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
