I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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