he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
its liver damage thursday
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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