He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
smell my finger.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
