have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
